a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
