why im i the only drunk person in the library?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
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You made out with two different species that night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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