Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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