my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
