The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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