dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
The feeling are messing with the penis
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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