I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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