Cold hands, warm shart.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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