I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
