I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My pussy is not your playground.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
