some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
