i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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