So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
