Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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