I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
