so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you win again, gameday.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
