I CAN MOONWALK!
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
