So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
