he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
