before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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