Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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