I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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