If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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