yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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