I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
