I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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