I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
