you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
