Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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