My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You have to summon your inner elephant
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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