Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
