You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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