I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
