Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
