Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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