everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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