VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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