We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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