the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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