I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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