he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just forgot I was standing up.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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