Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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