spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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