just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
