I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
