either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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