take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
