we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
