I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
