That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
thus making me awesome and them whores
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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