don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
