Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize
