Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
