We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
