Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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