I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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