what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
