that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
