please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
