some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
