So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
