I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
