just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
