what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
