I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
