Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
